You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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