I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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