My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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