So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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