Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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