It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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