you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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