I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
