I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
