508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
