so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
