I'm so fucking centered right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
