Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
