he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
