I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
