Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
