So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
