We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
