Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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