i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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