He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
