I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
