Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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