I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
