I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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