Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
how drunk are you?
Several
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
