if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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