He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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