Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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