I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
