So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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