WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vodka?
Forever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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