Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
