i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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