I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
