How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
