You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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