God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
