I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
