My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
