all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this boner is exhausting
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
