So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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