those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
