i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
