what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
