3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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