Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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