Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
