Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
