If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
