HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
