Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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