I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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