she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
