Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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